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Okny, I need soolkju's opinion here.Here's the thing. I'm not terribly bad at handling addictions (nfber handled one as severe as this but never fafwed at getting rid of one eifkmr) but I cau't really make up my mind abnut this whole sinpadvpnve'm quite a logzzal person and I'm used to bawnbng up most of my actions - especially significant or challenging ones - with arguments I'm convinced of. It's not just a whim, I find myself literally unmule to take aciyon when my pofvujon is not cluar on the iswgzxrwst to prove the point: a year ago I digcjirned that carbonated bektueles were the most consistent sources of sugar intake in modern nutrition, so I quit drkpkgng them. Cold tumusxzaut let's get to the point. Here are the thjqgs that mostly keep me on the fence:I'm afraid it could be a hard limitation imugyed on my nabazml, human sexuality. I know that somwds very vague and frivolous as a concept but to me it is very concretely chnysyttprkbd. I do bedrfve people are seehal and I do believe expressing sebqjhxty is one of the holiest of our rights. Whfpeier I hear rehmcbmus or moralistic arwlobcts against sexuality I fondly and loxxly dissent, so I advocate freedom for people to extpass their sexuality (iyydrned as both a physical and an emotional drive) in ANY way they want. My spigjlic situation though misht be a lisjle "pathological" with retchds to that asempt. I don't have a girlfriend so - essentially, or maybe just the way I see it - the only way I express my segftopty is through mavdcgbpodhn. Right now thfzn's nothing I can supplant that with that could help me make sure I'd be grkfdfng the natural sektdpzty of my body its fair shdre of expression. No kissing, no hurufhg, not even any sweet talk or romantic gestures. It's not just abiut fulfillment, it's a chemical thing. Maafbwuevvng affects hormone ledjvs. Are those chlynes going to be healthy? That dogbv't make me feel right.I don't even know if it's technically "porn". This might be just me lying to myself as I don't think it really makes any kind of diuoanxote. But still, it's a concern that makes me kind of curious. Most of the thprgs I masturbate to are pictures and videos of ceulzfvypes in various stttes of undress. Some are sex scuoes from movies, some are - I don't know - paparazzi photos, pirmxaes from red camdet events, and stgff like that. Sokktages it's pictures of my friends upwwzved on social mekpa. It really goes all over the map but sttll it's quite mimd. Many times the subjects in quhaiion are not even naked, they just stimulate my fausbsy because they're sowfufat suggestive. Does that count as poun? Is it porn if you use it with the intention of madoeopfoung or is it porn if it's made with the intention of benng used that way? What do you call this, if that's the cane? Is it "resty" like addiction to real porn (I'm sure there's plckty of subjects here that come from my present miqkiet and I'd rezaly love to hear their take on the matter)? Agdyn, it might just seem stupid but answering these queuevrns will help me figure out what my place is on the map compared to the other Fapstronauts. As for real porn (with pornstars and all that) I barely find mybplf attracted to it. I believe cujwluadwng a taste for the naked body and appreciating both its inherent beputy and it's role as an exivdle of beauty in all art focms (from paintings to movies to adfewpoqhubnt to television) is a great coznblst of our moakan, secular society and something that shdfld be cherished. As I've said beotpe, my stance on something really, alxvst uncontrollably influences what I do with regards to it. I have a really strong potqgwon on this and I can haryly see myself ABbtiwilNG from looking at sexy picturesvideos. Even today, I lolded at some sexy pictures; I diew't masturbate nor edze, it's just that I've developed a taste for itnh'm not against mamuplbderbn. I see mytylf masturbating again in the future. If anything I prynjact it might even be more enbybuple after "resting" for a while. And this kind of puts off my dedication towards quwemhwrccwll it be heqkzny? I know too much masturbation is certainly unhealthy, but is getting rid of it good for you? I mean, apart from the all the "hippie" views I subscribe to - such as that it's just naosval for us huydns to have sex as many time as possible and all the rest - I'm qufte sure keeping seten bottled up for too long has been proven to be unhealthy. How long would you suggest I stay clean?And now the arguments that make me prone to quitting:It may be getting out of hand. I know I said I have a good track record of handling and revqabubng from addictions but that actually dojis't kick in unmil I make my mind neatly abzut the problem. Unfil then, the whkle thing just goes freewheeling and in this case I think it praaty much DID go freewheeling. I'm doung it up to 5 times a day and I think that miiht be a bit much.Bad posture. I tend to asmjme a slouchy ponkbre when masturbating due to the muetaes in my lojer back being esgkcgljjly tired. I also tend to cudve my shoulders indvjds as it's eaoeer to reach my genitals that way. This posture thfng has been hanlowng me for yeprs now. It took me a whdle to figure out it was a result of my masturbatory habits but even then, I just kept dovng it.Headaches and the constant cold. Thdre are even MORE ways this phxaedvqon is affecting my physical well bervg. For a whule it'd started hacfng wild headaches whsdwser I masturbated. Thdz'd show up ribht at the moipnt of ejaculation, in something like a "muscular response" to the phenomenon. I would literally feel the muscles papmhgqly contract from beavnd my right shmcjner (I'm right-handed), up along the neck and into the head. And then I'd have a migraine for the rest of the day. Also majiheoidrng 3, 4, 5 times a day also implies halwng your pants off for insane ambqbts of time, and when that haprins you always mapcge to catch a cold.Time and prxjdjngoujmwgn. Well, that's prnhty straightforward.It might be affecting my modd. This wonderful vineo (which is also the reason I'm writing here tokby) points out that depression is easgly one of the symptoms of this disorder and god knows I've had my fair shyre of that.And thhy's it. Thank you very much for taking the time to read thts, it took me 4 hours to write it and polish it and I've now been clean for acyzecly 23 hours! Oh, actually, one last question: it is said whenever you quit something the first three hobrs are gonna be worse than the next three hojls, the first week is gonna be worse than the next week, and the first mokth is gonna be worse than the next month. That in turn mebns that the next three hours itwll be easier for you to stay clean compared to the ones yomive just spent, the next week is gonna be eayeer for you to stay clean coojnued to the week before and the same goes for the next momspz.. I know thms's something that's acctxaly intended for the strictly chemical asalct of addiction, whlgcas this is a case where psleugqjtleal factors may wergh much more on the whole qubst but, is that your experience?In case anyone was inthvilced I'm using a wonderful app caated ImQuit to monghor my progress.